I don’t know exactly when the anniversary is, but at some point in the past few months, this website celebrated its third birthday. I do know that I’ve been banging away more or less weekly at this diary (it was never daily!) since June 11 of 2003. That makes it the longest journal I’ve ever kept.
It’s been an interesting journey. I started out trying to chronicle my second kick at the can as a performing songwriter, and wound up considering the state of my own soul against the background of the stimulating and challenging new environments I was hurtling through. Self-reflection to the point of navel-gazing seems to have become my stock in trade, although I’ve earnestly tried to limit my posts to what I thought might be useful to others along their own very different paths. I thought of it as “growing out loud” and I hope it’s been of some interest to my readers at least.
But I confess that it’s no longer of much interest to me. I’m tired of writing “I”, for one thing. I took on the first-person narrative partly in reaction to the third-person PR that a lot of us singer-songwriters make up about ourselves; I was seeking something a little more genuine, I suppose. Still, it seems to me now that’s just a form of narcissism that disguises itself as modesty.
In any case, as I near the three-year anniversary of my first post, I find myself wanting to wrap up this chunk of time and all the reflections on it, stow it somewhere, and start fresh. That was then, this is now, right? And I’d really rather deal with “now,” now!
I don’t know where that takes me next. There’s still the matter of the big bold word “diary” in my navigation bar, and I wouldn’t mind it linking to something fresh and current. There are parts of this journey that continue to require working out in words, I think. Whether they’re worth sharing, I don’t know.
I’m awkwardly aware that this may sound like I’m feeling insecure about readership. I assure you that’s not the case. In fact, knowing that people do read these words regularly makes me squeamish about making any changes; I hate to take a chance on disappointing supporters. At the same time, I’ve got a keen sense that the time has come to do it a little differently, and I’ve got to follow that feeling.
I’ll let you know when I work it out. Gotta fly.