Dinosaurs are jerks

Maybe it’s because I worked at Discovery Channel for five years, but I’m sick of dinosaurs.

This week’s announcement that more exciting new dinosaur species have been discovered just made me yawn.

In case anyone hasn’t noticed yet… DINOSAURS ARE EXTINCT!

And besides that, they’re jerks.

Total jerks, in fact:  They’re ignorant and rude, have no respect for plant life, leave their muddy footprints everywhere, roar loudly at the slightest provocation, and viciously eat anything that gets in the way. Dinosaurs put the “fossil” in fossil fuels. They remind me of certain politicians… but I digress.


So what exactly is the appeal? Of dinosaurs, that is. One vexing question at a time.

Evolutionists love dinosaurs because they give creationists fits: either the bible-thumpers have to agree that there were T-rexes roaming the Earth before the Garden of Eden, or they have to explain how they lived and died out between the time of Adam and Eve and today without anyone noticing. Holy conundrum!

But that doesn’t explain why dinosaurs are nearly as fashionable among ordinary folk these days as kittens, or pirates. Mind you, pirates are jerks too. Yaar! They rape women, kill men and steal boats. And kittens are very easily corrupted.


Anyway, the reason dinosaurs are popular, despite being extinct must be that people wish dinosaurs were still around. The same goes for Elvis. But Elvis would not be deadly if he was still alive. And he could sing. Dinosaurs, so far as we know, make terrifying noises, can’t keep time, and would eat you.

Please, everyone: forget your foolish fantasies. Dinosaurs would ruin every great thing you’ve ever known.


Be careful what you wish for, as the saying goes.


Your wish might come true…. and just imagine the horror.


A world ruled by thoughtless beasts with raging appetites would be chaos.


If you value society as we know it, if you have a shred of respect for our institutions and values and indeed, your life, cease your dinosaur fantasies immediately and be grateful they’re all dead.

Dinosaurs are jerks.

Photo modifications by Kerrin McNamara.

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